Sunday, January 23, 2005
Pittsburgh Post-Gazette
Duce Staley picked a curious word to describe his empty feeling after his Philadelphia Eagles were beaten in each of the past three NFC championship games.
"Heartbreaking."
Almost the instant Staley said it, he knew he had made a bad choice. You know how you sometimes say something and wish you could reach out and pull the words back?
Disappointing would have been the right word for Staley. Of course it's disappointing to work so hard and come so close to the Super Bowl only to fall a step short.
Even motivating would have worked. If you lose three conference championships games in a row and then are lucky enough to get a fourth try the next season, as Staley will tonight with the Steelers against the New England Patriots at Heinz Field, you're going to do everything you can not to come up short again.
But heartbreaking? There is nothing heartbreaking about losing a football game, as least not in a real-world sense. Heartbreaking is being told you are dying of cancer. You think time flies? Try sitting down with a doctor and being told you have six to 12 months to live, as Staley's father, Lanny, was late last year. Now that's heartbreaking.
"It's been real hard," Staley said last week.
His father is just 53. He thought he was having minor stomach trouble when he went to his doctors in November and complained of his food not digesting. They told him he had stomach and pancreatic cancer.
Staley left the Steelers for a few days in early December to go to Columbia, S.C., to be by his father's side. But what do you say to someone in that situation? There are no appropriate words.
What's important to Staley is that he was there for his dad. For years, they had been estranged after Staley's parents divorced when he was, to use his words, "a short one." Like most divorces, this one rocked Staley and his two siblings.
"You see your father leave, and your first reaction is to blame everything on your mother because she's the one you're with," Staley said. "You're not old enough to know what's going on or to ask the questions that you'll ask later. All you're thinking about is how different things would have been if your dad had stayed."
It didn't take long for Staley to make peace with his mother, Tena. As a single mother, she gave him a chance to succeed not just in football, but also in life, often at great personal sacrifice. "She's my hero," Staley said.
It took a lot longer for Staley's relationship with his father to thaw. They talked over the years but were hardly close. It wasn't until after Lanny was diagnosed with his cancer that they became, well, father and son.
Do you know how important that closure must be to the Staleys? What father wants to go to his grave with a grudge between him and his son? What son wants that?
"I'm thankful things are better between us," Staley said.
You might guess what the two talked about most last week.
"Us winning has definitely pushed him along through all of this," Staley said. "It's a positive energy for him."
It's also a powerful motivator for Staley.
"None of us know how long we're going to live. Not me, not you, not anyone," he said.
"But now? After his cancer? I can't be sure when he's going to take his last breath or when I'll talk to him for the last time or which of my games will be his last game. That's why I'd love to get him to the Super Bowl. Jacksonville is only five hours from Columbia. He could make that trip. That would be huge for both of us."
It's not as if Staley needed the extra motivation. Losses in those three NFC title games provided plenty. As he told the Philadelphia media last season, he's "trying not to be the Buffalo Bills of the playoffs."
Staley's friend and teammate Jerome Bettis can relate. He lost with the Steelers in the AFC championship games after the 2001 and 1997 seasons. The two swapped their frustrating stories last week.
"I told Duce, 'We've got a chance to do it again,' " Bettis said. "We've got another chance to make it right ...
"Duce thinks this is his best opportunity."
"The atmosphere is different here, for one," Staley said.
There's not the stifling pressure there is in Philadelphia. It suffocated the Eagles a year ago when they lost at home to the Carolina Panthers. It wouldn't shock anyone if it suffocates them again today against the Atlanta Falcons in yet another NFC title game at home.
"The guys are more confident here," Staley said. "There's a laid-back attitude, yet everyone is ready to take care of business. This is a better situation for me. I'm more comfortable here."
Staley and Bettis were huge when the Steelers beat the Patriots Halloween Night. Staley started and ran for 125 yards on 25 carries. Bettis finished after Staley's hamstring was injured in the second half, rushing for 65 yards on 15 carries.
The roles will be reversed tonight. Bettis has run for at least 100 yards in each of his seven starts. Staley will play, although his hamstring still isn't right. "I'm nowhere near where I was earlier in the season."
This is just a guess, but the Patriots probably aren't buying that after watching Staley against the New York Jets last weekend. He stepped in for Bettis, out with leg cramps in overtime, and had six carries for 28 yards on the winning field-goal drive.
"I'm blessed," Staley said. "Even though I'm hurt, I can still go out and make plays to help the team win."
The Steelers still are playing in no small part because of Staley's and Bettis' ability to co-exist. Bettis, the ultimate team man, deserves much of the credit, taking a steep pay cut and willingly stepping aside after the Steelers signed Staley to a five-year, $14 million deal in the offseason. But Staley also deserves credit, especially now that he's the backup.
Maybe he appreciated Bettis' grace and learned from it; he had been pushed aside in Philadelphia last season to make room for Brian Westbrook and Correll Buckhalter and didn't like it.
Or maybe it's just that Staley, too, is a terrific team player.
"I think it's important," Staley said. "We're two competitive guys, two guys who both want the ball. If the other guys see Duce and Jerome working it out, they're not going to let any of their issues stop us ...
"I think it shows that our relationship is genuine. It's not like we said, 'We're going to be friends and everything will be OK this season, then we'll go our separate ways.' We're more than that. We're going to be friends for life."
And, dare they dream it, Super Bowl champions together?
Surely, you'll forgive Staley's father if he has spent some of his precious time thinking just that thought.
"He told me he was praying for me," Staley said. "He also said he'd see me at the Super Bowl."
There's only one word to describe that kind of father-and-son meeting:
Priceless.
(Ron Cook can be reached at rcook@post-gazette.com or 412-263-1525.)
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